I sat on the old wooden swing. It was creaky and weakened by the years of salt air blowing off the ocean. Honestly, I half expected to find myself ass down in the sand before too long. I just didn’t know that I trusted the integrity of the wood. But after a few minutes, I settled in and began to take in the sounds around me. Waves crashing, seagulls fighting over a scrap of food…I took a deep, mindful breath and I knew in that moment that when we returned home from this place, our world was going to be different. I didn’t know how much.
We’ve been in the house now for 3 weeks. Tomorrow starts week 4. We are both working from home. Thankfully, we still are employed. So many are not. We’ve been trying to support our local businesses as best we can from the living room. School is virtual. Life right now…is virtual. This virus is unlike anything I have ever seen in my lifetime. It’s horrific and vicious. It has us all pinned inside and praying we don’t touch the wrong doorknob. I believe in science and the ability of those who understand how to combat such things. I have faith in those who know how to lead and are working around the clock to make sure that we are getting the information we need. They are keeping the lights on.
I don’t typically discuss politics, religion, or money. I won’t pretend to tell you how to raise your children and I don’t care what you do behind your closed door. What I can do is share my observations with you about whatever catches my attention. Please understand that I am not making light of the situation we are facing. It’s really therapy for me to laugh at myself and if you get a chuckle out of it…well….ok.
There is no other animal on the planet as ruthless, calculating and utterly lethal as the 15 year old teenage girl. It’s true. This current batch is really a nasty one too. It’s the eyes. Once the specimen raises from its slumber …somewhere around 2pm in the afternoon, it struggles to fully open the eye lids until just before dusk. During this period, you will be peppered with a variety of speech styles. The lazy, monotone droning that sounds like the words are being ripped apart as they pass over the teeth. The hyper-active, high pitch ramble that sounds like a covey of birds squawking all at once. The house smells like dirty laundry and zit cream. Once the eyes are fully open and pupils dilated from the ambient blue light of the iPhone, the specimen settles into a “zone”. While in the zone, it can hear and see NOTHING except TikTocs. This lasts for several hours. Then, as if by magic, the teen disappears into her space. We send the dog in with her. I don’t really know if that’s wise. But we think he’s smart enough to find his way out if he feels threatened. For a brief period, there is quiet. And then…she emerges. Starving and wide eyed. Nothing is sacred. If it can be consumed without effort, it’s fair game. This basically means…chips, frozen fruits, or cheezits. Maximum effort is reserved for things like Ramen or a microwaveable burrito. For the next 5 hours or so, we are subjected to the visual and audible assault that is “American’s Next Top Model”. Oh. My. Aching. Ass.
Being in this environment now for these three weeks… these three, excruciatingly long weeks…has been a learning experience for me. I have to say, I feel as if I’ve completely honed my survival skills. I’ve mastered the “tune out” skill. What was that you say? I don’t know. I’ve TUNED IT OUT! I’ve also accelerated my learning in the fine art of selective bitching. I mean, let’s face it. I have a lot to work with. It really could be one big nag fest up in here. I chose my battles like a seasoned General, striking at the heart of my enemies advancing front. I often lose, but I’m getting better. I’m telling you…..it’s the eyes.