Our home is a volatile mix of conditions that, given the right environment and circumstances, could erupt into a full blow situation before you know it. Case in point… mix together one pouty cat and a counter full of stuff. Presto. Hot damn mess.
CJ typically sleeps next to me or on me and since the puppy Marigold arrived, the sleeping arrangements have gotten contentious. Of course, Marigold wants to snuggle with her and CJ isn’t completely happy about it. Last night, I just couldn’t take anymore and I made them both move away from me. CJ liked this even less. When she’s angry or just generally in a pissy mood, she will jump on top of counters, dressers, tables…whatever and begin to knock off the contents. She wants you to be fully aware that you are to blame for her unhappiness and therefore, you must suffer the pains of cleaning up. After I evicted them from my sleeping space, I drifted into a blissful, deep sleep. I’m pretty sure I was smiling. Then, as if by design, a large crash could be heard coming from downstairs. I rustled up. Took a quick inventory….did someone break in? Did I dream that sound? Another bang from below. Nope. It’s the damn cat. I reached over to check the phone. 2:18 AM. I got up and made my way thru the room to the stairs.
Condition 1 – The captain is a firm believer that plastic doesn’t belong in a kitchen. It’s not safe to cook in she tells me. I can’t warm up food in the microwave with it. Condition 2 – We have granite counters and tile floors in the kitchen. Condition 3 – The captain was FIFOing (first in, first out) the pantry yesterday as we prepared a grocery order and there were things on the counter. Glass things. And finally Condition 4 – Aforementioned mad feline.
I walked onto our kitchen and it looked as if something had exploded. She also is fascinated by light and in her parading around the counter, she accidentally turned on the light inside the cabinets that cast a little, chaseable beam for her to investigate. There were dishes, a few pots and my Yeti cup on the floor in a blast pattern. All of this was marinating in a pool of apple cider vinegar. Immediately, the smell tingled inside my nose as if someone had just handed me a pickle. Suddenly I realized, not only were my pant legs soaking up the vinegar, my bare feet were drenched, there was broken glass all over and I couldn’t see. I didn’t have on my glasses. Holy hell. See what I mean…..how quickly these things can escalate into a full blown perfect storm. Where was the family? Well..the captain was upstairs hanging on to a very excited puppy and trying to get her back to sleep. The kid. Well….She hasn’t been to bed before 4am for over a month. While I am POSITIVE she heard what had transpired, she was most certainly pretending to be asleep in her room and therefore unable to assist me in my peril.
Doing my best Stretch Armstrong impression, I reached the counter and grabbed up the paper towels. These are a precious commodity these days, but I would sacrifice the whole roll if it meant I could get out of this mess unscathed. I slowly began to get the mess under control. Dishes back into the sink for washing. Again. Glass cleaned up, floor cleaned up and everything else wiped down as best I could. She just sat there, about two feet away and watched me. CJ, the master of disaster. I finished up, almost an hour into my endeavor, and I climbed the stairs, stopping only to put my vinegar soaked pants into the laundry. I climbed into the bed, covered up and tucked in and let out a heavy sigh. As if on cue, here she was ready to curl up in her spot again. She nestled in. And went to sleep. If she could talk, i’m sure it would have sounded something like…”Next time you go running me out of my warm sleepy spot, you’ll think about that.”
Today, I will probably need a nap.